i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
