I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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