chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
