so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
