The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
