If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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