Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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