i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
