i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
