So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
