She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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