got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
