Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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