my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
