Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
