textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
