you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
