I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hippo gnu deer
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
