I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
