Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
