You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
