I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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