Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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