I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
