How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
