Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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