i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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