i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
