Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
