I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
