You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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