Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
