I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
