eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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