it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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