i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
