is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
