textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
