Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i will never coherently bang her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
