the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize