dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize