She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
