Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she woke up with a sticky ear
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
