There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
