loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
