That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
