I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they're like a gay fantastic four
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
