Me. At least after what I've been through.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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