Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The struggles of a small town man whore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize