I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
