Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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