It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
