my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize