All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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