white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
