Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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