if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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