Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
