the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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