This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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