Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
