I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
