Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
