so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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