I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
