haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
