If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
