Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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