i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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