All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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