Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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