was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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