Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
