yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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