Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
