At least make sure they are 18
Why
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize