"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
