He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
