she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
