If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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