babies were throwing up all over the place
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
