yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
