Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
