I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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